This morning I was having a most interesting, and character revealing dream, and I guess it had to do with what’s been on my mind lately – finances. As with most Christmases, this is an expensive time of year, and of course adding bills to pay to that, it’s always trying to make things stretch further. And with a family of four, that’s not always easy. Along with different debts to clear off, I’ve been thinking of going back to work to help out my hubby, but I’m not quite sure yet where I plan to work – or rather, where God wants me to be. However, this all managed to sneak into my dreams – of course – last night.
I dreamt that I for some reason I was walking around a hospital, when I happened to walk by an open area (or station) where people were working to clean up visitor’s and patient’s outfits that got stained for one reason or another. It doesn’t make sense in reality that there would be such a thing, but in my dream it made sense. So of course, my thoughts kicking in, I said to myself, “I wonder if I would be able to do this job?” Then, remarkably, someone saw me standing there, and asked me to get to work, thinking I was one of the new people. So I thought, “There’s no harm in trying it, at least I’ll figure out if I can do the job. It’s a learning opportunity.” Of course I knew it was wrong, because I was telling a lie in my dream, but it’s one of those “white lies” people try to get away with sometimes, but of course, more would happen.
I stood there, and people would come up to me holding a garment by a wash station, and ask me if I could help them remove different stains. So I again pretended I worked there, and was helping them out. Then I thought, “This is easy! So why do people even need to go to school to get hospital jobs? I could do this.” I was thinking how there’s so much red tape to get a job these days, and how in the end, a piece of paper that you spend 3 or 4 years getting, doesn’t always amount to much, but yet, people can be totally qualified to work somewhere otherwise and not get the job because of that one piece of paper. I also thought, “Hmm… hospital pay is better than other places sometimes.” I noticed how well I got along with everyone, and how they seemed to like me, which are big pluses to working anywhere for any length of time so I felt good about that (as I’ve worked with both people who don’t like me for whatever reason, so are mean to me – not kidding – and with those who do, so are extra nice and act normal around me, which is always wonderful, but I always try my best to be helpful in either case). I also enjoyed the fact that people were asking me for help, which I also enjoy, I guess I like to feel useful, though part of that stems from different self-esteem issues ingrained in me a long time ago – I’m working on that too with God’s help. Things were going great so I kept working.
Then to make matters worse, someone came by and started chatting with someone off to the side about it being their birthday tomorrow, and as they walked off, I guess one of the hospital workers near me overheard them, but thought it was me who said it. So they said to me, Have a “Happy Birthday tomorrow,” (or something like that). So I felt a tinge of guilt for not saying anything, but again, it was a “minor” lie, (when in reality all lies are just as bad to God). So after a while, I went elsewhere for the day (can’t remember where), but I ended up coming back the next day or later in the day, as in dreams time shifts happen constantly so you’re never quite sure what time it’s supposed to be. And as I was walking into the hospital, going down some steps, I noticed some large advertisement-type photo stickers someone had arranged on them, each step progressively getting bigger as I went down. The first few I noticed said, “Happy Birthday!” on them and had a big photo of one of the hospital workers on it. So as I’m walking down them, looking at all these faces, I was in half-shock as I came to the last step down and saw my own face with a huge, “Happy Birthday!” sign. Boy did I feel ashamed at this point, as someone went to all this trouble to make me feel special by giving me the biggest picture and sign of all the people and I just started “working” there. I couldn’t believe how nice everyone was being, and here I was lying to them by being there. And there’s more – as I walked up to the front desk for the ward, to check in to work, the lady there handed me a beautiful, bright blue plush robe with a cute penguin embroidered on it (or something like that), and a plush towel, also embroidered, and said it was a gift to me for my birthday. Well, now I felt even more bad! I took them with a smile, still in shock, but as I started to walk around looking for my station, I felt super guilty. Then I finally found the area where I worked earlier or the other day, and there were people in lab coats spraying some kind of bright orange chemical around the area and a lady came up to me wondering what I wanted and I said I was there to work, but none of my co-workers were there and I was confused. Then she looked at me weird and said she would check her schedule to see if I was supposed to come in, but she thought I should know not to come in as people were working on something to fix the area today. I then decided to sit down in a chair near a basement door to wait. And of course, as I was sitting there, my mom, who in real life worked for hospitals before, walked in and started talking to someone there. Then of course she looked down at me and asked what I was doing here, thinking I was ill or something. I again had to lie about it (I can’t remember what I said), then I left the room. I felt bad for lying again, and in my dream it was almost pay day, and I really didn’t want them to pay me (even though in reality they couldn’t without all my info), so I decided to write a note of apology and to admit that I didn’t work there. As I was walking around, I got lost and ended up in a huge office area (not kidding – as big as the hospital itself). And there were a million computers on tiny desks scattered throughout several rooms, everyone busy working. I was wearing a white scarf and felt cold on my head so decided to wrap it around my head a bit. Next thing I know, a group of doctors is walking past a doorway and notices me with my scarf, and they start to run after me, so I run too. They yell, “Escaped patient!” as they point toward me. I quickly try to explain to someone beside me that it’s all a mistake, as I quickly unwrap my scarf, though the doctors are ready to force me into a hospital room, so I race away, and thankfully get away. At that point I had had enough and found a piece of paper where I wrote out my confession. I found a manager, and as I handed him the note, I told him I had a confession to make and wanted to clear things up. In my dream, I even accidentally stepped on his shoe, and he tripped, then the tip of his fancy leather shoe came off, plus he hurt himself, so I felt even more bad, (as I sometimes feel so clumsy or idiotic), but he started to read my letter. I was so afraid of what might happen, but at this point I knew one lesson here was that it was better to live in truth than in lies. It didn’t matter how small the lie was, whether for a good reason, (as we like to convince ourselves), or bad as the small lies can turn into bigger lies, and the more people lie, the more complicated things get. And this can count for any sin issue in our lives; it doesn’t help anything to go against God’s Word, we only end up in hot water, (no pun intended). I also felt like I had to justify my lie by pointing out in my letter that I was doing it to try to help out my family, by trying to find a place where I could work for good pay, hoping for mercy, but again, I felt convicted on that too, as God is the one who provides the job, wherever it may be, I just need to rely on Him and His Timing. I was hoping for some sympathy perhaps. I don’t know. Either way, I knew that there was a lesson here, and when I woke up this morning I felt compelled to share this, regardless of how it may make others look at me differently (or not), as it’s a bit revealing about my character and different things. I can hope that someone reading this gets the point I’m trying to get across – no matter what the issue(s), or how bad the circumstance, it is not right to go against whatever God has planned for us, it is much better to follow Him. No matter what the ‘mini-perks’ may seem to be along the way, nothing is better than walking the straight and narrow. And I can say for myself, as I’ve journeyed in my Christian walk so far, a good 5 years at least, I’ve had some hard learning to do in different areas, things I never thought I’d have to deal with, but God showed me, that yes, it was important to deal with them, and that things always improve with each step I take toward Him. I just need to keep raising my head from facing the ground, to facing the Son. Amen.
P.S. – If there’s anything you’d like to share about your own walk with the Lord, or if you would like someone to pray for you, feel free to drop me a line either at the bottom of this post, or contact me via email at fuzzsociety at gmail dot com. Thanks!