Hello Fellow Moms/Crafty People,
There’s been something stewing in my head for a few days so I thought I’d get it out on fake paper (AKA – my blog), to let it out/perhaps inspire myself to do something about it. I’ve been thinking of how I used to doodle all the time as a kid and teenager, then one day, I went to work and while I still dabbled in drawing while I was on the phone or something, I just never really got back into my art. It wasn’t for lack of interest, I kind of just stopped doing things for my own enjoyment and started doing everything out of necessity. It wasn’t that hard to do given the lifestyle I was used to living (which wasn’t real living imo), which was go to college, do homework, go to work on the weekends, come home and do more homework then back to it the next day, then after college, having not achieved much with that avenue, going to a dead-end job every day just for a paycheck and to try to make everyone else like me. Why would I do that you ask? Well, let’s just say, I grew up always wanting to please everyone since I felt so rejected by many people/misunderstood that at one point I stopped trying to be myself and started trying to be the ‘perfect’ person for everyone else which kind of left me empty inside. Sure, I still had some things I liked and did, but I never kept on being myself for fear of offending someone, getting yelled at, ignored, or rejected in some other way. I didn’t get a lot of praise in the right ways growing up, at least not in the ways that mattered to me, so I’ve always tried to be somebody else, someone better – that elusive person whom I could never be because it was never good enough and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get away from being at least a little bit myself.
After I got married, I started a new life with the kind of moral support I so desired, and got someone else’s objective thoughts on things. Then I started to realize that what I was doing was unhealthy so I started to think about the whole people pleasing thing. After learning more about how God created us to be uniquely ourselves for His glory, it got me thinking about how wrong it was that I just wanted to be whatever everyone else wanted me to be and how I should change that. Well, let’s just say, after you’ve been acting and thinking a certain way for most of your life, it takes a LOT of time and effort to start doing differently, but I know it’s best so at least now I haven’t resigned to just going through the motions, but at least to make an effort to push past any thoughts of rejection or people pleasing and just be myself one step at a time. It sounds childish, and in many ways I see myself like a child still learning who I am, but I am still figuring out how to just be me and just do the crafty/creative/silly things that I enjoy doing for fun. Yes, adults and parents can still do those things, you just need to make a decision not to give up on yourself. If you want to be a robot, go ahead, but if you want to be yourself and enjoy life as it was meant to be enjoyed, go ahead and be yourself the best way you know how. It doesn’t mean doing things that are immoral if that’s what you want to do, but just dressing how you want, talking about your favourite subjects without fear of rejection, drawing/creating as you want and not worrying about it being ‘perfect’ for everyone else – so long as you like it that’s what matters after all, and just being YOU. It sounds simple, but it isn’t always especially when you’ve been traumatized in childhood. But it is possible with God’s help and the love of friends & family/community. You can do it! Yes. You. Can!
Go ahead, be yourself. I dare you!
Until next post,