Changes

Hi Folks,

How are things down at the hen house? (Or wherever you call home?) In my world, there has been a lot hanging on the air lately, and while it does worry me sometimes, I just have to keep giving it all to God. That’s how I’m surviving and have been surviving for a long time. But I’m tired of just surviving truth be told. I almost forget sometimes what it was like to have dreams and goals as those things seemed to have washed away forever. And while I know it’s possible to get them back, sometimes it’s like all I can see is fog and I just have to keep stepping forward not knowing where I’ll end up, but trusting it’s somewhere good. My reasoning is, well if I’m not going backwards it must be positive right? Well, there’s a time for moving forward, a time for sitting and thinking, and at times, a time to look into the past and try to heal from things that need healing from. Right now, I believe I’m in the phase of looking back, and no it’s not pretty or easy, but I know it’s something that must happen if I’m ever going to be able to move ahead in life, regardless of what life throws at me. It’s been a rough couple months or more, and I know that God is showing me that things must change, but now they’ve been stepped up a bit, I think partially because I refused to just do things of my own will. And at times, that’s how we must act – by being prodded along. It may seem dumb, but we can be like cattle can’t we? If all we see is the field in front of us and we’re content to keep eating the same grass there, but God knows there’s better stuff out there for us, bigger and better fields, ‘fields of dreams’ as they say, then sometimes He allows us to go through some harder times to get there. I know for me, unfortunately, a lot of my own issues stem from hurts not dealt with, so I need to take initiative and finally deal with those issues. It’s the only way I’ll ever truly be a complete human being. I don’t like who I am right now, not in the ‘nice person’ way, but in the people pleasing, mousy-me kind of way that always views myself in a way that is not pleasing to God/worthy of His calling. I am not worthy of anything, trust me, but moreso, I should be walking in a way that shows I appreciate the life God gave me and love myself in the healthy kind of way. It’s okay to love yourself, I think a lot of people, moms especially can view that as being ‘vain’. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but really, if you don’t love yourself, how are you ever going to love anyone else the way you’re supposed to? We are not called to be slaves or to hate ourselves, and yet, so many times I feel that myself along with many other people out there are living mindlessly, carelessly, not living life to the fullest and that is what our enemy wants. It is sad and cannot go on. But I digress…

If you want to keep up with me, feel free to subscribe to my blog right now or you can bookmark my page and check in every once in a while. There is also a Facebook page ‘Sharing Mom Life’ so you can look me up on there for blog post links and other crafty posts I put up once in a while. Hey, you never know what you’ll see next!

Till next post, God Bless!
I’m cheering you on to victory!

*~Roxy~*

Be Yourself – Do it!

Hello Fellow Moms/Crafty People,

There’s been something stewing in my head for a few days so I thought I’d get it out on fake paper (AKA – my blog), to let it out/perhaps inspire myself to do something about it. I’ve been thinking of how I used to doodle all the time as a kid and teenager, then one day, I went to work and while I still dabbled in drawing while I was on the phone or something, I just never really got back into my art. It wasn’t for lack of interest, I kind of just stopped doing things for my own enjoyment and started doing everything out of necessity. It wasn’t that hard to do given the lifestyle I was used to living (which wasn’t real living imo), which was go to college, do homework, go to work on the weekends, come home and do more homework then back to it the next day, then after college, having not achieved much with that avenue, going to a dead-end job every day just for a paycheck and to try to make everyone else like me. Why would I do that you ask? Well, let’s just say, I grew up always wanting to please everyone since I felt so rejected by many people/misunderstood that at one point I stopped trying to be myself and started trying to be the ‘perfect’ person for everyone else which kind of left me empty inside. Sure, I still had some things I liked and did, but I never kept on being myself for fear of offending someone, getting yelled at, ignored, or rejected in some other way. I didn’t get a lot of praise in the right ways growing up, at least not in the ways that mattered to me, so I’ve always tried to be somebody else, someone better – that elusive person whom I could never be because it was never good enough and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get away from being at least a little bit myself.

After I got married, I started a new life with the kind of moral support I so desired, and got someone else’s objective thoughts on things. Then I started to realize that what I was doing was unhealthy so I started to think about the whole people pleasing thing. After learning more about how God created us to be uniquely ourselves for His glory, it got me thinking about how wrong it was that I just wanted to be whatever everyone else wanted me to be and how I should change that. Well, let’s just say, after you’ve been acting and thinking a certain way for most of your life, it takes a LOT of time and effort to start doing differently, but I know it’s best so at least now I haven’t resigned to just going through the motions, but at least to make an effort to push past any thoughts of rejection or people pleasing and just be myself one step at a time. It sounds childish, and in many ways I see myself like a child still learning who I am, but I am still figuring out how to just be me and just do the crafty/creative/silly things that I enjoy doing for fun. Yes, adults and parents can still do those things, you just need to make a decision not to give up on yourself. If you want to be a robot, go ahead, but if you want to be yourself and enjoy life as it was meant to be enjoyed, go ahead and be yourself the best way you know how. It doesn’t mean doing things that are immoral if that’s what you want to do, but just dressing how you want, talking about your favourite subjects without fear of rejection, drawing/creating as you want and not worrying about it being ‘perfect’ for everyone else – so long as you like it that’s what matters after all, and just being YOU. It sounds simple, but it isn’t always especially when you’ve been traumatized in childhood. But it is possible with God’s help and the love of friends & family/community. You can do it! Yes. You. Can!

Go ahead, be yourself. I dare you!

Until next post,

*~Roxy~*

Walking Through Streets Of Life

Hey Folks,

Today, after a nice long (2hr) walk with my hubby talking about different facets of our lives, I just felt like I should write something so here it is: life is amazing even in the most mundane aspects of it. The fact that we’re here, breathing, controlling most of our body by sheer will all through electrical impulses, growing every day in some way, never mind all the unique talents and traits we each have, the list goes on… is all amazing. Many people do not look at the ‘minor’ things, or take notice of how God interacts in our everyday lives, but I am one of those people who is all about the details. Sometimes too much detail for my own good mind you, but still, that’s how I was designed, and it was for a purpose. It doesn’t matter what anyone else tells you with regards to the special traits you possess, so long as God knows you’re doing your best to use those traits for good, that’s what matters. I learned this the hard way, but I guess that’s the only way I would ever have learned it.

You see, I was pretty stubborn as a kid, but I can say that God knew better and so allowed me to experience many hardships throughout childhood and beyond in order for me to come to the realization that I was spoiled, I didn’t appreciate what I had, didn’t even realize what I had I guess at one point, until my family hit rock bottom. It was rough, and don’t get me wrong, I hated it, and despised myself for many years afterwards because I felt so ashamed of my life. I was depressed, and that lead to me hurting myself and others in different ways, mostly subtle, but in the end, God knew that it would all work for my own good, so He allowed it. And I’m thankful for that, because now that I’m a parent, I can relate to the feeling of wanting my own children to appreciate what they have, and who they have in their lives, including God. And it would be so easy to continue to spoil them, sheerly out of the desire to show them love, but there is something to be said as well for tough love. As when you know that someone does not appreciate what they have, they need to experience a time of less – not to deprive, but to take note of all that they already have/who is in their lives, and to realize that they have much to be thankful for. Especially in this era we live in, at least in North America, where we have so much, so easily available to us, even those of us who are part of the ‘working poor’, we have SO much. How much do you need to live? Well, coming down to basics, we need to stay hydrated, and we need rest, and nutrients of some sort, and medical care when necessary, as well as shelter/clothing to keep us warm and safe. The rest is gravy really, but you would never say that to someone in our society, they would call you crazy. But really, TV’s, computers, furniture, cars, fancy clothing and devices, games, videos, etc., they are all extras. Sure, in our part of the world, we thrive on living online, using computers in pretty much every industry we have, but isn’t that a dangerous thing? Think about it – if anything was to happen to our electronics or internet, we’d all be in the dark – literally. We probably don’t have much skills to keep going, short of any possible camping skills we may have, or special training, but for many people, when the power goes out, they panic. It’s inevitable when your whole society is used to living off the latest technology. Anyways, where I’m going with this is, I have realized throughout my years of having less than everyone around me, that life will go on if I don’t have everything that everyone else has. That is because God knows what I need, and those things quite honestly, I don’t need. He may decide to bless me here and there with something extra special, (which He does), but He is more concerned about my walk with Him than showering me with the latest trendy stuff. As the responsible Father that He is, He allows me to struggle with some things for a while, usually until I realize that I can’t do it without Him, then He comes alongside of me and holds my hand. And THAT my friend is all the reminder that I need to know that I am blessed. Amen.

~Roxy~

Being Myself part 2

Hello Readers,

Just wanted to share that I’m on a journey back to being myself. What do I mean by that? Well, pretty much ever since becoming a Mom, as probably most of you can relate, I’ve found that I’m drifting ever so slowly away from being myself – or rather, taking some time for ‘me time’. And yes, I do feel the guilt start to rise whenever I try to start doing something and of course a little one starts calling out my name or something else needs my attention. But as my hubby pointed out, he’s not playing the guilt trip thing anymore as a dad, so I shouldn’t do that to myself as a mom either. I need to shift my thinking as I’ve always found it easier to do stuff for others before doing stuff for myself. I think a lot of that has to do with different disappointments I’ve experienced in childhood and life afterwards, but it doesn’t mean it has to end that way. We all can take small steps to ensure that we don’t burnout because we’re ignoring ourselves completely. And let’s face it, it’s so easy to do this as a mom (or dad). I find though that moms just always worry about everyone else’s needs first, as I believe this is how we were made, as the typically supportive role, and emotionally it’s how we operate. We worry about everyone making sure they have their stuff before leaving the house that we often, (I believe), forget to take or do something for ourselves. At least that’s what I find for myself many times. And it’s frustrating, but I brush it off and try again the next day. On top of this, in the midst of soccer games, other events and everyday life, I find I just don’t have the energy to do anything I want to do for myself at the end of the day. And the idea of waking up extra early just to do them doesn’t really sound good to me either, but I also realize I need a bit of encouragement. I admit that. I’m so good at encouraging others to follow their dreams, but when it comes to myself, I tend to give up too soon or just leave things be. It’s just easier I guess not to be disappointed yet again. Like today, when I went to use the rest of a can of spray on primer to hopefully spray one side of a room divider I made, I was only able to coat two thirds of one side before I ran out of paint. Now I need to wait until I can afford more. But I’m going to try again… so please pray that I continue to enjoy the rest of the life God gave me in a way that is pleasing to Him and part of that is by enjoying being me. Thank you. I hope I’ve been able to reach out and touch at least one other soul out there who’s struggling with the same thing. Perhaps we can encourage each other?

Blessings,

Roxy